chapter two

Some repeating noise wakes me up. I open my eyes, pretty sure that Olivia plays with the lamp. She likes to switch it on and off. And on and off. And on. And off. But that’s not her. That’s the doorbell. Unwillingly, I get up. I open up the door and see Karlie barely standing on her feet. Ella holds her, saying ‘You better take your girlfriend to the bathroom. She’s about to throw up.’ So I help Karlie get in and the same moment she takes a step into my hall, she pukes on the floor. Ugh. I’ll must clean this. ‘Why did you bring her here?’ I ask. ‘She was begging.’ Says Ella. ‘She told me that if I didn’t bring her to you, she’ll drink more. So I did.’ I sigh. ‘What should I do with her now?’ ‘I don’t know. Maybe tell her how much you love her…’ She says with a sweet voice. ‘Oh, damn you, Ella! I don’t love Karlie, and I’m pretty sure I never will.’ ‘Okay. Just saying.’ She goes out and leaves me with Karlie laying on the bathroom floor and her vomit material on the carpet. I pick Karlie up. ‘Now you have to wash yourself.’ I say. “I’ll go and clean the carpet.’ ‘Oh, sorry for that.’ She says suddenly. ‘It’s okay, but you can’t drink too much in my flat! It’s forbidden.’ I leave her to take a shower. I hate cleaning after vomiting, I swear. I sweep the floor and use a lot of detergent, but I still got that unpleasant smell in my nose. Karlie just goes out of my bathroom. She stole my robe. Great. I’m not kind of sharing-things-with-others person. ‘Have you got slippers which fit the robe?’ she asks. ‘Yes, but you can’t wear them. My flat’s not a hotel.’ I say. ‘Oh, Tay.. why you gotta be so cold?’ ‘Because I have hangover. Okay? And I’m a bit irritated by you being in my flat. And that whole kissing at the party thingy.’ We go to living room and sit on the sofa. ‘You got some nice films to watch?’ Karlie asks. ‘Yeah. But I’m not in watching films mood.’ I’m angry. Karlie came to my house uninvited, stole my robe and probably wasted a lot of shampoo. ‘Karls, my flat’s not a hotel. You can’t do what you want. Pretty sure you’ve wasted a lot of my cleaning stuff, haven’t you?’ ‘Taylor, why are you so mad? You’re my friend and we’ve always shared things with each other. What’s wrong with you?’ ‘Nothing!’ I say sarcastically. ‘You come to my house uninvited, drunk, waste a lot of my cleaning stuff and wear my private robe! And…that whole kissing thingy! I’m not a lesbian! I don’t know what have pushed me to kiss you! And what have pushed y o u to kiss m e! Seriously! Karlie, please just s t o p trying to make me love you, This is impossible! I’m straight! Definitely! End of a story. I’m gonna wash myself and please, make yourself comfortable, I don’t mind at all! Yes, you can live here! Sleep in my bed! We can fuck! Yes! That was your biggest dream! Are you happy now?! The Hunger Games trilogy on DVD is in a box under the TV.’ I run out of the room, get into the bathroom and slip on the floor. Yes, of course, Karlie didn’t even sweep the floor after she made it wet! What a bitch! My hatred to her is biggest than Nicki Minaj’s ass. I fill bathtub with litres of water, take my clothes off and throw them on the floor. I plunge my face in the water, let my body drown. I try to wash events of today away. The stress, hangover, Karlie’s declaration of love to me, Ella’s jealousy, kissing scandal. When my lungs are out of the air, I resurface my mouth just to inhale some fresh air and plunge again. I’m a bundle of nerves. I forget where I am and try to breathe and choke on water. I sit up immediately and breathe hardly, trying to spit the water out of my lungs.  I inhale and exhale the air, calming down. I twist my arms around my knees, and look around. Water’s actually everywhere. There’s more water on the floor than in the bathtub. I go out of the bathtub and take the towel. I sweep my body and realise that I haven’t got any clothes. I wrap myself with a towel and go outside the bathroom. Karlie looks at me, she looks worried. ‘What happened?’ she asks. ‘Did you try to drown yourself?’ ‘You’ll be drowned if you won’t shut the fuck up’ I say. That shuts her up. I go to my bedroom and dress up in Victoria’s Secret pjs. Then I realise how I met Karlie. On Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. So I put random t-shirt and shorts on. I lay in bed, listening to the sounds of the evening. Karlie is watching Mockingjay, because I hear my favourite part: IF WE BURN, YOU BURN WITH US. Ugh. Did she have to choose that film? In a state of complete hysteria I fall asleep.

                She wakes me up. I lay in bed, when I notice her face next to mine. She looks so innocent. Like an angel. My anger evaporates. ‘Karls…I’m sorry I shouted at you’ I say. ‘I know, Tay, I know. I accept your apologise.’ She touches my face with her fingers. ‘Close your eyes.’ she says. So I close my eyes. Karlie touches my eyelids, nose, chin. ‘You’re beautiful.’ she says. I open my eyes and see her big smile. I smile too. ‘You too.’ I say. ‘Can I?...’ I nod and Karlie kisses me. It feels so strange, to kiss a girl. I feel so many emotions during that kiss. From happiness to bitterness, uncertainty to desire. I really enjoy that kiss. Karlie stops and looks at me. ‘You’re such a good kisser.’ she says. ‘I don’t know. I think my kissing skills are average.’ ‘Definitely not! You made me feel so horny.’ No. ‘I want to do this with you.’ NO. ‘Right now.’ NEVER IN MILLION YEARS. ‘Karlie…I don’t think I’m ready for such things at such low level of our relationship.’ ‘So we’re in relationship? Holy fuck!’ She’s so entirely happy. I’m not sure. I sigh. I’ll get used to her. I wrap my arms around Karlie’s neck and kiss her for goodnight. ‘Now, sleep. Pretty sure we’ve got a photoshoot tomorrow.’ ‘I love you.’ says Karlie. I just smile. She falls asleep but I know that I will not be able to sleep. I get out of bed and go to the kitchen. I sit on a chair and look at New York.

                I remember my relationship with Harry. People wanted to get into our minds, to defeat us. We gave up and broke up. Will my relationship with Karlie be the same? Will people want to know everything about us, will they hate us? Not everyone accepts gay people. Some swifties are homophobic for sure. What will they think? And, now will I tell mum about this? She’ll be unpleased, for sure. She has always said that I should marry someone someday, but she’s never mention a woman. I don’t know. I stare at the night sky. Finally, after weeks of snow storms, I cans see the stars. They’re beautiful. They’re the most beautiful thing in the world. Karlie is that kind of star. One of millions, shining the brightest. I decide to not tell anyone about our ‘relationship’. I’ll leave it and see in what direction will it go. And then…

                I wake up. It should be very early, because the sky is still dark. I slept on the table. Oh great. Today I have a photoshoot for Vogue. I swear I look like a zombie. I sigh. I go to bathroom and look into the mirror. My hair’s a mess. Like always. My skin is pale, and I have dark rings under my eyes. I won’t fall asleep. I go to living room and look at the clock hanging on a wall. 5.57. Great. The best time to wake up. I make a coffee and think about Karlie again. AGAIN?! I think about her. A g a i n. I completely disagree with her. I don’t want to be in lesbian relationship. Definitely.

I dress up, put some make up on and go to wake Karlie up. ‘Wake up Karls!’ I scream. I shake her arm. She wakes up and looks at me accusingly. ‘I feel like it’s before 7’. ‘It is.’ I laugh. ‘We’ve got a photoshoot today!’ While Karlie is getting ready, I phone our photographer. He admits the address we have to go and the time-7.30. Punctually at 7 Karlie comes up to me and kisses my cheek. ‘Ready?’ I ask. ‘100%.’ She answers. We take a taxi, streets are finally clean. We reach our goal, white building on Manhattan. Our photographer, Max, waits for us. In last moment, Karlie takes my hand and kisses me. I think everyone blacked out.